“I have a baby face…deal with it.”

Humor, Positivity, The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

bf3fca94423077b95b64663412096526

This is unfortunately true.

I swear my face (and possibly my disease of being “short”) is almost always questioned with people I meet on a daily basis.

“Hey there’s this really cool bar up the street we need to go to. Do you like to drink? Are you 21?” 

Sad to say, I have heard this question from people who are couple years younger than me! Are you carding me at the door?….Then don’t worry about it!

For people who suffer from this “baby face syndrome”, you must understand how it feels. You’ve probably tried to change up the way you dress. Making sure your outfit is mature enough but not something your grandpa or grandma would wear.

Maybe you started to feel self concious with the way you talk to people. Lowering your voice because maybe your normal voice is too squeaky.

Oh…and when it come to social media, art, movies, whatever….It seems like you are constantly fighting to prove you can recall those TV shows/movies/music from the late 80s or 90s.

To the ladies, the dating scene can be oh so tricky:

You would imagine finding that perfect guy with the same interests and same age would be easy as pie. Naw. They think you’re younger than them! The only guys that actually may find you attractive are the older men going through some mid-life crisis. Using YOU, young lass, to compensate their old age. (Unless you like them older men, go for it!)

It seems to be constant battle that was never intended to be at all…

After you tell them your actual age, they will respond with this exact phrase or something similar like, “Oh wow?! You look sooooo young! I would have guessed you were 20…21 or something?”

You can’t get too upset because they didn’t know. Then you would respond, “Eh, its okay. I get that a lot.”

Oh and when you think the conversation would stop there….they’ll finish off by telling you… your favorite cliche….

“It’ll be great when you get older….Your looks will benefit you by then!”

Stop.

I am getting older now. I look fine the way I am. In fact, I look great…NOW!

We, “baby face” individuals, do not need other people’s sympathy for this particular issue. The only reason it’s an issue is because you, “non baby face” person, brought it up.

We have other problems in our own lives and THIS was not one of them…until you decided to ask.

We understand you are curious, but trust me, it feels more like an insult than a compliment.

So, to all you “baby faces” out there, do not feel discouraged. 

In fact, ladies: maybe that guy you’ve been crushin’ wasn’t meant for you anyway. By the time you turn 40, he’s going to look 80!

“So yes, our looks will benefit us in the long run while you, ‘non baby faces’, will look like raisins.”

 

Talk normal, dress as you may, and just stick to being…You! 

 

9da4b58a869170589af4b13686fa5fd9

 

 

Reality vs. Reality?

Positivity, The Mind Speaks, TV, Uncategorized

 

1338586252pre-1384449409

It’s funny how we take a moment of our life, hey, maybe all our life, and relate it to some fictional character from a book or movie.

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of TV shows and finding characters that share similiarities with me. Not reality shows. Gross. I will admit there are reality TV shows that are very entertaining and genuine. But there are a lot that are just stupid. Sorry but not sorry?

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what show or shows have I been tuning in. Let me first say, I absolutely love “The Mindy Project.” Mindy Khaling is hysterical and there has not been a show where I didn’t rewind a funny part so I can laugh a little bit more or say “Did that really just happen? Hold up now.” “New Girl” is also a faaav of mine but we’re having a complicated relationship which is completely irrelevant now…

Anyway, again, I’ve also been addicted to the show “Nashville.” This is an ABC show about making it big in country music. I didn’t think I would like it but I’ve grown to really admire the characters and of course their songwriting.

The character I found very interested in was Scarlett O’Connor, played by Clare Bowen. I googled that shit. Yes, I am one of those people who actually care about how an actor / actress started off in the show biz. Even during a movie, if I ever see a familar character, I’ll pull up my IMDB app and search the crap out of them.

Anyway, back to my point.

Scarlett comes off as very timid and shy. Not as vocal as most of the other characters because she’s still new to the buisiness.

Though in her music. she says so much. She holds a lot of resentment towards people who have crushed her. Producers who rejected her, complicated relationships with boyfriends, and mommy issues.

I hate spoilers so I really don’t want to say much but there are moments where her emotions and lack of self control become the star of the show than her actual musical performance. Its upsetting. It’s upsetting to see this sweet, beautiful, yet naive girl become defeated so heavily. Even her own music couldn’t save her anymore. She plummeted to her lowest low. 

That’s me. I’m her. I’ve been carrying a lot of resentment towards a whole of people. People very close to me. I’ve been holding on to it for about 8 years or so. Just piling it on. One after the other. Just sweeping dirt under the rug again and again.

And again.

Scarlett wasn’t aware of her depression, but it was evident to everyone around her that something was up.

My loved ones knew something was wrong. I would sigh, unconciously and constantly. I started noticing unusual mannerisms and other behaviours that I never used to do. Like sleeping. All day. At one point, I was just laying on the bedroom floor, staring. Staring at absolutely nothing.

Okay, I lied. I was staring a pair of shoes, my backpack, laptop….NOTHING! What is engaging about those items? They don’t talk or move!?

I was just as lost as Scarlett. The major difference between her and I is that she’s a fictional character. I still have to live with all my feels. Guess what? I’m not going to!

No one in their right mind wants to ever feel so out of place. Like they have no control over themselves. Depression is serious and it comes in many different forms, my friend. It’s definitely not something to boast or share with anybody. I never thought in my wildest days, I, carefree-high spirited-smiley me, would get to this point.

I wasn’t carefree: I had unresolved issues with others and espeically with myself.

I wasn’t as high spirited as I thought: Maybe high on something else cause I wanted to hide my misery.

And although I was smiley: My smile was just the cherry to top off my imaginary sundae.

I know it’s only going to get better because I am going to make things better! We don’t have any other life to choose besides the one we  are living now. So make the most out of it. “YOLO” if you need to, whatever! There are too many worries in the world for one human being to hold except for their own.

Don’t let depression get the best of you. Strive to be happy. Life is too damn short.

Talk to Someone. Move On. And Don’t Forget to Be Awesome.

k.m.w.

I rather write it out…

Faith, Positivity, The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

tumblr_mzgvc5G1qw1qgx1spo1_1280

I should be studying right now. I should have been studying since I have all this time before school begins. Two months. TWO MONTHS.

Who takes off for that long of time? Well I did. Initially, I thought two months was just about right. Not too long but long enough to get my self situated. Then I felt like my world turned against me.

Upside- down. Sideways. All ways. “Is this truly happening to me?” It was like a domino effect of anything that would stir me up into a depression. Two months was starting to look too long. Too damn long. I wanted everything to just go back to way it was. I hated feeling like I was falling apart, literally. Who wants to feel like that? Honestly?

Every day I would wake up, hoping for that impossible change. They screwed me over. She doesn’t support my decision. He hasn’t called.

Every day I awaited for these particular scenarios to be fixed so I would not have to worry about them anymore.

“Maybe they made a mistake?…

Maybe she really replaced me?…

Maybe if I call or text a few more times, he’ll answer?”

Maybe not.

For one month. I was genuinely miserable. I was witnessing every one else enjoying their days while I was moping the majority of mine.

Being aware that my heart was empty made me feel empty. Emptiness is so weird to describe because it feels unreal. I still feel it to this day, but knowing that this will not last forever.

TWO MONTHS. Two months is starting to look too short. I wasted good quality family time because I was too focused on situations that had already ended. I was too focused on the negative outcomes than the positive ones. I was too focused on others making me happy instead creating my own happiness. I was too focused on not focusing on myself. 

88b896b969845baf79a911eb720d2fde

I know that being where I am for these two months is a learning process for me. I am gaining to be more vocal, to be more confident, and to be more ME than I ever had. All the times I felt like this journey was a mistake, I’ve realized it is truly a blessing in disguise. As people say often. The school who put me on hold, the relationship between a mother and a daughter, and the guy I fell “head-over-heels” too soon have a purpose to where I am now.

As much as we keep wishing, we are not the makers of our future and we, most certainly, cannot erase our past. Somebody out there, greater than all of us, has control. Whatever you believe in, you know there is a greater power than any of us. That greater power controls night and day and permits who enters and leaves earth. All we can do is take each day and grow. GROW, knowning there is more to come and it’s not all bad. I promise.

Even when you think the worst is happening in your life, the best is happening at the same time.

k.c.


It gets better.

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

“Working” on myself has been rough. ROUGH! I know it is not suppose to be easy. You cannot go to sleep and instantly wake up like nothing from your past ever happened. Every day is a new day and every day gives me a chance to keep trying.

I’ve recently taken a break from school (not my decision). I messed up and was given an opportunity to spend my break with family that I have not seen in years.

It has been a good trip thus far. A lot of ups and downs, on my part. After my unfortunate school situation, I was dealing with family problems and yes, guy problems. These issues are pretty common but at this moment of my life I had let them take a toil on me like no other.

I was slowly dwindling down a dark, scary direction in my life during the first five weeks of my vacation. I did not realize how much of these emotions were not only causing a lot of hurt in me but a lot of hurt for the people around me. I finally got a “wake up” call one Sunday from my sister that what I was dealing with, was not okay.

All the pain and disappointments I was dealing with prior to my vacation was building up. Why? I was not disposing it anywhere. I wanted to hold on to the pain and disappointments for no reasons. No, I lied. I was holding on to them because I was hoping it will all change, instantly. I could not let go of the fact that some or most of the junk I was holding was not going to be fix. Ever!

We tell each other and ourselves to just “MOVE ON!” Easier said than done, my friend. Easier said than done. Our problem, my friends, is actually applying it.

When I need inspiration, I usually go straight to my Pinterest board and pin away various positive sayings and quotes to hype me up. I will even pull out my personal journal and write lists of goals I want to accomplish. This past weekend, I was able to capture a few wise advice about gaining confidence and just…”not giving a shit” about negative vibes and situations.

Although I can pin away and cry out my moments as much as I want, I know that in actuality, being proactive than reactive to my personal situations is the solution. Like I said before, every given day allows us the opportunity to keep trying to be better.

IMG_0846

*Picture of me at Santa Rosa Plateau.

“Love is a full-time job”

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

It’s true.

I honestly do not care how busy you are or the “I will call you later,” but never do. You, my friend are not fit for this type of job.

The job to “love” me.

I put parenthesis around the word love because I am not hoping that the next guy I meet falls head over heels with me instantly! Not everyone can have a fairytale story. Though the thought of having a man fall off his horse or defeat a monstrous creature in your backyard does seem heroic….that just ain’t for me.

The kind of love I desperately desire isn’t how many dates he takes me or how many shiny gifts he will bring. I desire more than that.

I want honesty. This should be a TOP priority for everyone. How can you develop any relationship if you are building it on a lie? I am not your résumé, don’t dump all your bullshit on me!

I want appreciation. Appreciate the way I appreciate him. Accepting me for the way I am. I’m awkward and sometimes a little needy. I’m goofy but will worry if you’re not okay.

I want company. I want you to be as comfortable with me as I am with you. From the warmth of your hands to the sound of your voice, I need to know you will be there always. Even when different cities to different time zones keep us apart.

I thought I would write more but everything just seems to sum into my last desire.

Happiness.

Most importantly, I want happiness. It’s odd that I would want it this desperately because I am genuinely a very happy person and I have a enormous heart. I’m a people pleaser and spend more of my time making sure their happiness box is filled up, leaving mine empty. When mine is empty….well, you get the picture. I tend to not listen to my gut feeling. A lot. When I know something is wrong I almost always give the situation a “benefit of the doubt.”

Whoever you will be, all I ask is to keep me happy. Be honest, be appreciative, and just be there.

k.c.

.Image

*courtesy photo from google*