“Working” on myself has been rough. ROUGH! I know it is not suppose to be easy. You cannot go to sleep and instantly wake up like nothing from your past ever happened. Every day is a new day and every day gives me a chance to keep trying.
I’ve recently taken a break from school (not my decision). I messed up and was given an opportunity to spend my break with family that I have not seen in years.
It has been a good trip thus far. A lot of ups and downs, on my part. After my unfortunate school situation, I was dealing with family problems and yes, guy problems. These issues are pretty common but at this moment of my life I had let them take a toil on me like no other.
I was slowly dwindling down a dark, scary direction in my life during the first five weeks of my vacation. I did not realize how much of these emotions were not only causing a lot of hurt in me but a lot of hurt for the people around me. I finally got a “wake up” call one Sunday from my sister that what I was dealing with, was not okay.
All the pain and disappointments I was dealing with prior to my vacation was building up. Why? I was not disposing it anywhere. I wanted to hold on to the pain and disappointments for no reasons. No, I lied. I was holding on to them because I was hoping it will all change, instantly. I could not let go of the fact that some or most of the junk I was holding was not going to be fix. Ever!
We tell each other and ourselves to just “MOVE ON!” Easier said than done, my friend. Easier said than done. Our problem, my friends, is actually applying it.
When I need inspiration, I usually go straight to my Pinterest board and pin away various positive sayings and quotes to hype me up. I will even pull out my personal journal and write lists of goals I want to accomplish. This past weekend, I was able to capture a few wise advice about gaining confidence and just…”not giving a shit” about negative vibes and situations.
Although I can pin away and cry out my moments as much as I want, I know that in actuality, being proactive than reactive to my personal situations is the solution. Like I said before, every given day allows us the opportunity to keep trying to be better.
*Picture of me at Santa Rosa Plateau.