It gets better.

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

“Working” on myself has been rough. ROUGH! I know it is not suppose to be easy. You cannot go to sleep and instantly wake up like nothing from your past ever happened. Every day is a new day and every day gives me a chance to keep trying.

I’ve recently taken a break from school (not my decision). I messed up and was given an opportunity to spend my break with family that I have not seen in years.

It has been a good trip thus far. A lot of ups and downs, on my part. After my unfortunate school situation, I was dealing with family problems and yes, guy problems. These issues are pretty common but at this moment of my life I had let them take a toil on me like no other.

I was slowly dwindling down a dark, scary direction in my life during the first five weeks of my vacation. I did not realize how much of these emotions were not only causing a lot of hurt in me but a lot of hurt for the people around me. I finally got a “wake up” call one Sunday from my sister that what I was dealing with, was not okay.

All the pain and disappointments I was dealing with prior to my vacation was building up. Why? I was not disposing it anywhere. I wanted to hold on to the pain and disappointments for no reasons. No, I lied. I was holding on to them because I was hoping it will all change, instantly. I could not let go of the fact that some or most of the junk I was holding was not going to be fix. Ever!

We tell each other and ourselves to just “MOVE ON!” Easier said than done, my friend. Easier said than done. Our problem, my friends, is actually applying it.

When I need inspiration, I usually go straight to my Pinterest board and pin away various positive sayings and quotes to hype me up. I will even pull out my personal journal and write lists of goals I want to accomplish. This past weekend, I was able to capture a few wise advice about gaining confidence and just…”not giving a shit” about negative vibes and situations.

Although I can pin away and cry out my moments as much as I want, I know that in actuality, being proactive than reactive to my personal situations is the solution. Like I said before, every given day allows us the opportunity to keep trying to be better.

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*Picture of me at Santa Rosa Plateau.

“Love is a full-time job”

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

It’s true.

I honestly do not care how busy you are or the “I will call you later,” but never do. You, my friend are not fit for this type of job.

The job to “love” me.

I put parenthesis around the word love because I am not hoping that the next guy I meet falls head over heels with me instantly! Not everyone can have a fairytale story. Though the thought of having a man fall off his horse or defeat a monstrous creature in your backyard does seem heroic….that just ain’t for me.

The kind of love I desperately desire isn’t how many dates he takes me or how many shiny gifts he will bring. I desire more than that.

I want honesty. This should be a TOP priority for everyone. How can you develop any relationship if you are building it on a lie? I am not your résumé, don’t dump all your bullshit on me!

I want appreciation. Appreciate the way I appreciate him. Accepting me for the way I am. I’m awkward and sometimes a little needy. I’m goofy but will worry if you’re not okay.

I want company. I want you to be as comfortable with me as I am with you. From the warmth of your hands to the sound of your voice, I need to know you will be there always. Even when different cities to different time zones keep us apart.

I thought I would write more but everything just seems to sum into my last desire.

Happiness.

Most importantly, I want happiness. It’s odd that I would want it this desperately because I am genuinely a very happy person and I have a enormous heart. I’m a people pleaser and spend more of my time making sure their happiness box is filled up, leaving mine empty. When mine is empty….well, you get the picture. I tend to not listen to my gut feeling. A lot. When I know something is wrong I almost always give the situation a “benefit of the doubt.”

Whoever you will be, all I ask is to keep me happy. Be honest, be appreciative, and just be there.

k.c.

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*courtesy photo from google*

Blogging Authentically.

Uncategorized

Enough said! Doing just that.

The Siren's Tale

Blame it on too many years as a student, but any venture I take part in, I look for themes. The search for themes often takes place in subconscious gatherings, until my mind pieces together all the parts and comes to a new conclusion.

Recently, I’ve found some themes in the blogosphere that sit uncomfortably in my heart. Two major themes I’ve found tied together in the blogging world lately are: the fear of authenticity and the need to apologize for real life.

Authenticity Quote / from TheSirensTale.com

In the middle of 2013, I read several “exposé” articles from well-loved blogs. These posts shed the aesthetic perfectionism seen featured on most blogs today, and the bloggers unabashedly shared photography and stories from their real day-to-day lives.

You know, real life: messy life. The ‘I just got home from work and my make-up wore off hours ago‘ life. The laundry baskets are overflowing…

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My 20s (The Asshole Years)

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This makes sense!

Mended Musings

your 20s

I have two younger brothers in their 20’s. The older of the two is turning 29 this year and in honor of his last year as a twenty-something, I’m sharing my take on this important decade.

Dear Brothers,
When I was in my 20’s I was a real asshole, as was just about everyone I’ve ever known who passed through that decade. I’m not at all saying that you two specifically are assholes and I don’t mean to offend anyone reading this. Every decade that we have the honor of living gets summed up with the virtue of hindsight and I like to refer to my 20’s as The Asshole Years. I use the word as a way to describe how people in their 20’s are sometimes perceived and if we’re lucky enough to be over 30, we were assholes too (and might still be). These are my experiences and…

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My first blog.

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My first blog. Weird.

I remember when Xanga.com and other weblogs seemed to be the only options for social networking. I remember writing experimental moments to the most random ranting-like posts about basically nothing.

This time I want my blog to be different. I cannot promise whoever reads this to enjoy or even relate to everything I want to say. Nor will I promise to not rant about “nothings” going on in my life. The only promise I am making is within myself. I am going to promise to write my heart out. To keep inspiriing myself everyday with the experiences in my life and the choice I make within them.

I am so bottled up with things I want to say to where I can no longer write in my leather journal without cramping up. I hope, whoever you are, will find some appreciation in my future posts.

Until then, enjoy your day.

-kmw

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