The Toothache post.

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Have you ever had a toothache? 

It really sucks. 

Like, it really, truly sucks!!

So I’ve recently dealt with the most annoying, unbearable toothache in the world.

The pain was so obnoxious that I could not focus on anything. ANYTHING!

Finally after buckets of tears and having a mild case of tourettes, I was fortunate enough to have a fellow grad student start my root canal treatment.

[Side note: I am a dental hygiene student, so finding a dentist in my school is easy piecey]

Thank you to Dr. Ball [“known hottie of the Graduate Endo”] he was able to relieve majority of the pain from my angry tooth.

So this is where I being the moral of my dramatic tooth story…

So I knew I needed a root canal about two months ago and I was still figuring out how on earth I was going to pay for it.

I mean, my dental hygiene school is expensive as heck and now I have to get a root canal?? At my home dentist and with insurance, it would still cost me over $1200! So school was another option, but their price was still over my budget.

So I had planned to wait it out. Afterall, I wasn’t experiencing any pain…..

and so I thought.

The pain from hell “hit me like a hurricane” last week!

No warning signs or symptoms to prepare. No sign of Paul Revere!

I was in utter misery, hoping every night the pain would just magically disappear in the morning.

NOPE!

Then last Thursday, I could not take it anymore. The pain had skyrocketed and I finally surrendered. I quickly walked out of my theory class and headed to the bathroom because I knew room temperature water was the only thing that would neutralize my pain.

NOPE!

I was moaning for help and my eyes had glossed over with tears!

So I sprinted from the bathroom to the Grad Endo hoping for even just a consultation!

But my sorrow had masked the room so heavily, the ladies grasped my pain and found a way to get immediate treatment for me.

Wow, I sounded a bit intense there!

Badaboom, badabang, I was a million times better, despite feeling the numbness on my entire right side.

But I was relieved and thankful for all their help.

Moral of the story is coming, I PROMISE!

So, as I was sitting in the patient chair, numbed and having itty bitty drills slicing my tooth; All I kept thinking was “The damage is done!”

“I get my somewhat normal life again!”

What I mean is; the pain, the stress, or whatever negative feeling we experience in our daily lives has a life span too. Or a time span.

They don’t last forever unless we actually keep dwelling on it.

That is why we all have a choice to take action of our problems.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Especially when you really need it! No matter how small or how dramatic it is, there are people [sometimes we call them friends] who are willing to help you.

Don’t be prideful, be grateful.

k.m.w.

“I have a baby face…deal with it.”

Humor, Positivity, The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

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This is unfortunately true.

I swear my face (and possibly my disease of being “short”) is almost always questioned with people I meet on a daily basis.

“Hey there’s this really cool bar up the street we need to go to. Do you like to drink? Are you 21?” 

Sad to say, I have heard this question from people who are couple years younger than me! Are you carding me at the door?….Then don’t worry about it!

For people who suffer from this “baby face syndrome”, you must understand how it feels. You’ve probably tried to change up the way you dress. Making sure your outfit is mature enough but not something your grandpa or grandma would wear.

Maybe you started to feel self concious with the way you talk to people. Lowering your voice because maybe your normal voice is too squeaky.

Oh…and when it come to social media, art, movies, whatever….It seems like you are constantly fighting to prove you can recall those TV shows/movies/music from the late 80s or 90s.

To the ladies, the dating scene can be oh so tricky:

You would imagine finding that perfect guy with the same interests and same age would be easy as pie. Naw. They think you’re younger than them! The only guys that actually may find you attractive are the older men going through some mid-life crisis. Using YOU, young lass, to compensate their old age. (Unless you like them older men, go for it!)

It seems to be constant battle that was never intended to be at all…

After you tell them your actual age, they will respond with this exact phrase or something similar like, “Oh wow?! You look sooooo young! I would have guessed you were 20…21 or something?”

You can’t get too upset because they didn’t know. Then you would respond, “Eh, its okay. I get that a lot.”

Oh and when you think the conversation would stop there….they’ll finish off by telling you… your favorite cliche….

“It’ll be great when you get older….Your looks will benefit you by then!”

Stop.

I am getting older now. I look fine the way I am. In fact, I look great…NOW!

We, “baby face” individuals, do not need other people’s sympathy for this particular issue. The only reason it’s an issue is because you, “non baby face” person, brought it up.

We have other problems in our own lives and THIS was not one of them…until you decided to ask.

We understand you are curious, but trust me, it feels more like an insult than a compliment.

So, to all you “baby faces” out there, do not feel discouraged. 

In fact, ladies: maybe that guy you’ve been crushin’ wasn’t meant for you anyway. By the time you turn 40, he’s going to look 80!

“So yes, our looks will benefit us in the long run while you, ‘non baby faces’, will look like raisins.”

 

Talk normal, dress as you may, and just stick to being…You! 

 

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New Semester. New Goals.

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I have about a week left before school begins and I cannot wait.

Yes, I start in July. Not entirely thrilled about that, but looking forward being productive with schoolwork and all those shenanigans.

It’s been quite a bumpy journey getting to this point in my life again but I do not regret it.

“NO RAGRETS!” (reference from We’re the Millers)

Everyone says that same cliche. “Everything happens for a reason.” That statement is true, but I tend to argue with it sometimes.

That I will save for another post.

Anyhoo.

With a very eventful semester such as mine, filled with good and bad, it is safe to tell myself “I’m ready now.”

I’m ready to get back to my seriousness and finish what I started.

Okay, maybe not total seriousness, but at least on the school part for that matter.

Though this new adventure for me has been a challenge. Mentally that is. Trying not to let my pride get the best of me. I think we all deal with that in various scenarios. For me, it’s not worrying about the fact that I am having to restart my entire Fall Semester because of one class!

ONE CLASS. UNA CLASE! ESTUPIDO!

Okay, still bugs me….but you can see I’m slowly working on it.

I hoping once orientation is over and actual classes begin, it won’t bother me as much. I hope!

But I feel like I have a great support system from my family and friends. I even have a roomate this year. Whom I think will motivate me in a very positive way.

Her name is Sara and I love her to pieces. Even though we are such great friends, I think we both see that floating thought of “is this chick going to be crazy or will I have to murder her and hide the body? Then how am I going to pay rent?!” But we will find out and see.

Weird to say this, but I am also looking forward to not falling in love….just yet!

Like most hopeless romantics, I’ve had my heart trampled on quite a few times and feel like its not as juicy as it was before. Juicy? Ah, yes juicy. Healthy. Alive with love ready to burst out any moment….yes, juicy.

So I am giving my heart time to fuel up before I meet better people in my life. Maybe even the best person in my life. But we will see.

I am just really looking forward for such a great year to come. We should always embrace on delightful moments ahead of us instead lingering with what sets us back.

 

Smile, Laugh, and Die.

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Happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

More Happy thoughts.

How many times do you think you’ve reminded yourself that?

For me? At least 27892…million times a day!

Lately I’ve been feeling under the weather physically and mentally. I did not realize the weather change from California to Texas would take such a toil on my body.

I’ve been sneezing, coughing, and just being plain gross for the last few days. I am a walking disease. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been going outside and eating junk food any chance I get. But now, I am starting to feel like myself again.

So now it’s time for me to get busy and start “growing up.” Begin doing the things I love again and becoming that happy person I enjoy.

Basically what I am trying to say is: “Don’t let anybody or ANYTHING rain on your parade”

Simple as that! Please don’t let me sing the popular Barbara Streisand song….because I will.

I had an interesting discussion with one of my guy friends the other day about his perspective on life. I was amazed on how he seem to figure out his way of life….at the age of only 11! I cannot recall any philisophical thoughts at the age of eleven. Mainly school, homework, and boys…on repeat. Like what any normal girl would experience during middle school.

My friend’s epiphany was discovered in his bed one late night. Contemplating on death.

Death?

Yes, death. He realized that nothing can be worse than death. Therefore anything, little or small, isn’t really that bad, honestly!

Think about it: Your boyfriend/girlfriend of what, 2 years breaks up with you? Out of the blue! No legitimate reason at all. They just stopped liking you. No one died.

Okay, you were laid off from work and you’ve been unemployed for quite sometime. It sucks, don’t get me wrong, but no one died.

Alright, maybe something simple like losing a personal item. You lost it. Cannot find it anywhere. You’ve searched it in every place possible. Retracked your steps prior to losing it…serveral times. Maybe asked numerous of people if they’ve seen it. Nada. It’s gone. Capeesh? No one died, did they?

Neat, isn’t it? I started using that as a motivator to get me through the rough times. Makes me feel comforted knowing that bad situations will not last long…well unless its death. But even then, I know that when my time comes I’ll be at peace, eventually.

I will say this:  actually saying the phrase “Well, did anyone die?” may not get pleasant responses. If you end up saying that to ANYONE, make sure you know your audience well enough. If they’re like me, and they laugh it up and shrug it off, go for it! But I guarantee, most people may take it offensively.

So USE AT YOUR OWN RISK and (please do not reference me). 

Anyhoo, life is too valuable at any age to let the “inconvenience of life” affect our daily routine.

Keep your goals intact. Smile a bit more. Laugh a lot more. And be Courageous….until you die.

 

 

Good days.

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Today is going to be a great day. 

I will make sure of it.

At the age of 25, one would think that I would have my life sorted out already. I would know exactly what I want. What kind of life I want to live and how I am going to live it. 

Absolutely not and I know I am not alone. 

It’s not a race because everyone discovers themselves at different points in their life. Sometimes the thoughts that I create are ridiculous and I want to slap myself silly. 

“Stop being silly, Kris!”

Why do we dwell on such negativity in our lives? Why do we even question this at all? We weren’t placed on earth so we can be miserable. Everyone has a task to do, whatever it is. But we must do it in the most positive manner possible. 

“Life is a one way street”

It truly is! We cannot just dispose a crummy life and go purchase a new one at the store. We have one life, one journey, one ending. 

Live it well. 

k.m.w.

 

Reality vs. Reality?

Positivity, The Mind Speaks, TV, Uncategorized

 

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It’s funny how we take a moment of our life, hey, maybe all our life, and relate it to some fictional character from a book or movie.

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of TV shows and finding characters that share similiarities with me. Not reality shows. Gross. I will admit there are reality TV shows that are very entertaining and genuine. But there are a lot that are just stupid. Sorry but not sorry?

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what show or shows have I been tuning in. Let me first say, I absolutely love “The Mindy Project.” Mindy Khaling is hysterical and there has not been a show where I didn’t rewind a funny part so I can laugh a little bit more or say “Did that really just happen? Hold up now.” “New Girl” is also a faaav of mine but we’re having a complicated relationship which is completely irrelevant now…

Anyway, again, I’ve also been addicted to the show “Nashville.” This is an ABC show about making it big in country music. I didn’t think I would like it but I’ve grown to really admire the characters and of course their songwriting.

The character I found very interested in was Scarlett O’Connor, played by Clare Bowen. I googled that shit. Yes, I am one of those people who actually care about how an actor / actress started off in the show biz. Even during a movie, if I ever see a familar character, I’ll pull up my IMDB app and search the crap out of them.

Anyway, back to my point.

Scarlett comes off as very timid and shy. Not as vocal as most of the other characters because she’s still new to the buisiness.

Though in her music. she says so much. She holds a lot of resentment towards people who have crushed her. Producers who rejected her, complicated relationships with boyfriends, and mommy issues.

I hate spoilers so I really don’t want to say much but there are moments where her emotions and lack of self control become the star of the show than her actual musical performance. Its upsetting. It’s upsetting to see this sweet, beautiful, yet naive girl become defeated so heavily. Even her own music couldn’t save her anymore. She plummeted to her lowest low. 

That’s me. I’m her. I’ve been carrying a lot of resentment towards a whole of people. People very close to me. I’ve been holding on to it for about 8 years or so. Just piling it on. One after the other. Just sweeping dirt under the rug again and again.

And again.

Scarlett wasn’t aware of her depression, but it was evident to everyone around her that something was up.

My loved ones knew something was wrong. I would sigh, unconciously and constantly. I started noticing unusual mannerisms and other behaviours that I never used to do. Like sleeping. All day. At one point, I was just laying on the bedroom floor, staring. Staring at absolutely nothing.

Okay, I lied. I was staring a pair of shoes, my backpack, laptop….NOTHING! What is engaging about those items? They don’t talk or move!?

I was just as lost as Scarlett. The major difference between her and I is that she’s a fictional character. I still have to live with all my feels. Guess what? I’m not going to!

No one in their right mind wants to ever feel so out of place. Like they have no control over themselves. Depression is serious and it comes in many different forms, my friend. It’s definitely not something to boast or share with anybody. I never thought in my wildest days, I, carefree-high spirited-smiley me, would get to this point.

I wasn’t carefree: I had unresolved issues with others and espeically with myself.

I wasn’t as high spirited as I thought: Maybe high on something else cause I wanted to hide my misery.

And although I was smiley: My smile was just the cherry to top off my imaginary sundae.

I know it’s only going to get better because I am going to make things better! We don’t have any other life to choose besides the one we  are living now. So make the most out of it. “YOLO” if you need to, whatever! There are too many worries in the world for one human being to hold except for their own.

Don’t let depression get the best of you. Strive to be happy. Life is too damn short.

Talk to Someone. Move On. And Don’t Forget to Be Awesome.

k.m.w.

I rather write it out…

Faith, Positivity, The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

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I should be studying right now. I should have been studying since I have all this time before school begins. Two months. TWO MONTHS.

Who takes off for that long of time? Well I did. Initially, I thought two months was just about right. Not too long but long enough to get my self situated. Then I felt like my world turned against me.

Upside- down. Sideways. All ways. “Is this truly happening to me?” It was like a domino effect of anything that would stir me up into a depression. Two months was starting to look too long. Too damn long. I wanted everything to just go back to way it was. I hated feeling like I was falling apart, literally. Who wants to feel like that? Honestly?

Every day I would wake up, hoping for that impossible change. They screwed me over. She doesn’t support my decision. He hasn’t called.

Every day I awaited for these particular scenarios to be fixed so I would not have to worry about them anymore.

“Maybe they made a mistake?…

Maybe she really replaced me?…

Maybe if I call or text a few more times, he’ll answer?”

Maybe not.

For one month. I was genuinely miserable. I was witnessing every one else enjoying their days while I was moping the majority of mine.

Being aware that my heart was empty made me feel empty. Emptiness is so weird to describe because it feels unreal. I still feel it to this day, but knowing that this will not last forever.

TWO MONTHS. Two months is starting to look too short. I wasted good quality family time because I was too focused on situations that had already ended. I was too focused on the negative outcomes than the positive ones. I was too focused on others making me happy instead creating my own happiness. I was too focused on not focusing on myself. 

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I know that being where I am for these two months is a learning process for me. I am gaining to be more vocal, to be more confident, and to be more ME than I ever had. All the times I felt like this journey was a mistake, I’ve realized it is truly a blessing in disguise. As people say often. The school who put me on hold, the relationship between a mother and a daughter, and the guy I fell “head-over-heels” too soon have a purpose to where I am now.

As much as we keep wishing, we are not the makers of our future and we, most certainly, cannot erase our past. Somebody out there, greater than all of us, has control. Whatever you believe in, you know there is a greater power than any of us. That greater power controls night and day and permits who enters and leaves earth. All we can do is take each day and grow. GROW, knowning there is more to come and it’s not all bad. I promise.

Even when you think the worst is happening in your life, the best is happening at the same time.

k.c.


It gets better.

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

“Working” on myself has been rough. ROUGH! I know it is not suppose to be easy. You cannot go to sleep and instantly wake up like nothing from your past ever happened. Every day is a new day and every day gives me a chance to keep trying.

I’ve recently taken a break from school (not my decision). I messed up and was given an opportunity to spend my break with family that I have not seen in years.

It has been a good trip thus far. A lot of ups and downs, on my part. After my unfortunate school situation, I was dealing with family problems and yes, guy problems. These issues are pretty common but at this moment of my life I had let them take a toil on me like no other.

I was slowly dwindling down a dark, scary direction in my life during the first five weeks of my vacation. I did not realize how much of these emotions were not only causing a lot of hurt in me but a lot of hurt for the people around me. I finally got a “wake up” call one Sunday from my sister that what I was dealing with, was not okay.

All the pain and disappointments I was dealing with prior to my vacation was building up. Why? I was not disposing it anywhere. I wanted to hold on to the pain and disappointments for no reasons. No, I lied. I was holding on to them because I was hoping it will all change, instantly. I could not let go of the fact that some or most of the junk I was holding was not going to be fix. Ever!

We tell each other and ourselves to just “MOVE ON!” Easier said than done, my friend. Easier said than done. Our problem, my friends, is actually applying it.

When I need inspiration, I usually go straight to my Pinterest board and pin away various positive sayings and quotes to hype me up. I will even pull out my personal journal and write lists of goals I want to accomplish. This past weekend, I was able to capture a few wise advice about gaining confidence and just…”not giving a shit” about negative vibes and situations.

Although I can pin away and cry out my moments as much as I want, I know that in actuality, being proactive than reactive to my personal situations is the solution. Like I said before, every given day allows us the opportunity to keep trying to be better.

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*Picture of me at Santa Rosa Plateau.

“Love is a full-time job”

The Mind Speaks, Uncategorized

It’s true.

I honestly do not care how busy you are or the “I will call you later,” but never do. You, my friend are not fit for this type of job.

The job to “love” me.

I put parenthesis around the word love because I am not hoping that the next guy I meet falls head over heels with me instantly! Not everyone can have a fairytale story. Though the thought of having a man fall off his horse or defeat a monstrous creature in your backyard does seem heroic….that just ain’t for me.

The kind of love I desperately desire isn’t how many dates he takes me or how many shiny gifts he will bring. I desire more than that.

I want honesty. This should be a TOP priority for everyone. How can you develop any relationship if you are building it on a lie? I am not your résumé, don’t dump all your bullshit on me!

I want appreciation. Appreciate the way I appreciate him. Accepting me for the way I am. I’m awkward and sometimes a little needy. I’m goofy but will worry if you’re not okay.

I want company. I want you to be as comfortable with me as I am with you. From the warmth of your hands to the sound of your voice, I need to know you will be there always. Even when different cities to different time zones keep us apart.

I thought I would write more but everything just seems to sum into my last desire.

Happiness.

Most importantly, I want happiness. It’s odd that I would want it this desperately because I am genuinely a very happy person and I have a enormous heart. I’m a people pleaser and spend more of my time making sure their happiness box is filled up, leaving mine empty. When mine is empty….well, you get the picture. I tend to not listen to my gut feeling. A lot. When I know something is wrong I almost always give the situation a “benefit of the doubt.”

Whoever you will be, all I ask is to keep me happy. Be honest, be appreciative, and just be there.

k.c.

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*courtesy photo from google*

Blogging Authentically.

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Enough said! Doing just that.

The Siren's Tale

Blame it on too many years as a student, but any venture I take part in, I look for themes. The search for themes often takes place in subconscious gatherings, until my mind pieces together all the parts and comes to a new conclusion.

Recently, I’ve found some themes in the blogosphere that sit uncomfortably in my heart. Two major themes I’ve found tied together in the blogging world lately are: the fear of authenticity and the need to apologize for real life.

Authenticity Quote / from TheSirensTale.com

In the middle of 2013, I read several “exposé” articles from well-loved blogs. These posts shed the aesthetic perfectionism seen featured on most blogs today, and the bloggers unabashedly shared photography and stories from their real day-to-day lives.

You know, real life: messy life. The ‘I just got home from work and my make-up wore off hours ago‘ life. The laundry baskets are overflowing…

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